Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Bush to Science: "Let's be friends"

Holy Cow! This must be an April Fools joke!

Bush also plans to relax his stem cell policy. Although he has twice blocked congressional bills that would have expanded federal research on embryonic stem cells (ScienceNOW, 20 June 2007), he said today that such vetoes were a mistake. Bush said he now regrets having placed more value on a destined-to-be-discarded embryo than on a 30-year-old mother with multiple sclerosis--not to mention Michael J. Fox. "Why wait for a new president?" said Bush. "Let's get these embryos into the hands of scientists who can use them for good."

In a final concession, Bush promised to be a better steward of the planet. "I haven't always been clear about the threat global warming poses," he said. "In retrospect, having oil industry lobbyists edit our climate reports was probably a bad idea." He also admitted that initiatives such as "Healthy Forests" and "Clear Skies" had led to excess logging and air pollution, respectively. To make amends, he has appointed former rival and Nobel laureate Al Gore to head his new conservation initiative, which calls for mandatory cuts on greenhouse gas emissions and rigorous protection for species classified as threatened or endangered. "We're calling it 'Pristine Planet,' " said Bush. "And this time we mean it."

I would say that that last part kinda gave it away, really. Who would believe such a thing? :)


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